Flora's Last Therapy Session

I shouldn't say this but I once had this patient, 28 years old, I would see once a week. It's been five weeks or so since he started and in every session for the first 25 minutes he would stay silent. Not a word. 

If I asked if he was ready to talk he would shake his head, so I'd just let him be. When he was ready he would let me know and I'd start by asking him how he was feeling and why he was there. He would say: 

"- I dont know."

I'd keep trying with different questions but his answers were never more than two sentences. The hour would pass by and nothing really had been said. He would stand up and thank me for my time.

" - Thanks for your time Flora, see you next week." 

I never felt the need to rush him, you know. And you might think - why would I? if it was easy money. I just had to sit there, right? - But for some reason, it struck me a lot. This guy did. And also, I felt it was a waste of my time and his time.
So after a few weeks, I sat there, respected his process, let him be and when he was ready I went in a different direction, I asked him if he misses something. Straight away.

"- what do you mean?" he said

 - In life, is there something you miss that you don't have anymore? I said. 

There was a 10 seconds silence and then he said:

"- I miss my people."

I was about to say something but I shut my mouth. Let him be.  Thank god I did that. He paused for another 5 seconds or so and said something like this:

"- Why does life make you meet people who marked you, made you change, enlightened you in such a way, and then take them away from you? I don’t want to sound like a victim. I just want to comprehend.

I’ve been lucky to get out of the place where I grew up and spent many years trying to make my way through different cultures. I met people with different ideologies and beliefs, I lived with them. I worked in all sorts of places; cleaning windows, washing dishes and bussing tables, I sold insurances, I even froze my ass up in the mountains doing deliveries of stuff that I preferred not to know about. But, every time after a while I’d feel I was missing something so I would come back home but even there, I just..."

And he goes:  

"- I’d meet up again with guys I used to hangout with, guys that I called friends - they weren’t bad or anything like that, I guess it was just a label I used to feel comfortable, less lonely, to fit in - the thing is, I never felt happy. I didn’t feel I was living with joy. Every time I went back and saw those people, my family too, something just didn’t feel right. Something felt out of place. It was me."

I was very intrigued. I could now see a spark in his eyes as he was talking, as he was vomiting all of it, it felt like unclogging a water pipe that's been blocked for a long time. I wished he could've been that open from the beginning. And then he continued: 

"- But then, when you finally meet your people. When you finally find them - and I think every single one of us deserves that - when you find them, time and place feel different. Life flows in a different way. You flow through life in a different way. There’s something very empowering about it, feels like you are stealing sand out of the running clock. For the first time you get a real sense of what happiness tastes like. You understand what really matters - you know that whole idea about appreciating the simple things and all that? - yeah, it's like that, and you are not scared of using the word gratitude, or of saying I love you because this time you mean it. The deep care you have for these people is unexplainable. You just know it... Well... I guess you know it because silently you're wishing their dreams to come true.  

All of the sudden you are at ease because you’ve finally met someone with whom you don’t have to fake anything. These people can read you like a book. They will tell you when you fucked it up in a way you can’t argue with and they will also - and here's the thing - very often, they will make you remember what you are worth.

When you meet your people you get in touch with a part of yourself that was hidden from the world, perhaps a part of yourself you weren’t even aware of. That part of you blossoms and is more alive than ever before."

And when he finished, the clock marked the hour. He stood up, say thanks and left. It felt so surreal, like someone had scripted it. Few days later he sent an email saying he didn't need to continue with the sessions anymore.